"You’ve make my day, and that’s good enough."
"And I then you came running on my mind all over again"
How bout I shan’t tell you, but show it to you
actually came back to tumblr and start typing long winded post because of I really want to have a space to shut myself in, and let myself out. If you know what I meant.
It’s tough and though it’s not the first time I tangled myself up in this kinda shit before. Lets just put this as QST. It’s the same old story again. Every conversation with her despite the differences is a joy. And whenever she’s around, she makes my atmosphere different. And every story she told of her past and her desire for the future, I have a surge of wanting to be part of it.
Sighz
And things happened. Anyway how, I am never the type that confessed, or a matter of fact I had only did it twice before. I am saddened to know I did without knowing I did. It was not sincere and definitely not a gratifying piece of memory.
Waking up to a wretched day of events. By a day, it should stands for 24hrs, while it went for 32hrs minimum, and it is still continuing to be a bitch.
How about a waking up at a unfamiliar place, by a unfamiliar person, and a unfamiliar dog. Head was at the legendary 500KG. and flashed back flashes and realizes where I was. Left. I do not really like being a bother or a nuisance to people. (apparently, I was one before I slept)
Realizing, a keyless man at 8a.m is a homeless man, and he is a cigarette-less man along with a hang-over headache.
Solution came, for I remember the chances of finding the keys to the rented place. Tried it out and it work, though I waited 3 hours to get it done and a place to rest. Settled down, washed and rested, clear my head a little, and decided to “lets try to find out what happen” …5 mins later… okay shit happened. It’s really bad.
-lunched- (mom’s birthday lunch) Lost and stranded at a place addressed 29 Mui keng terrace or some thing. Sweat to find, and still can be early to reach. Luckily, food (buffet) taste good despite lousy choice variety.
Receive conversation to have more details of yesterday to be filled. Can’t wait. Return Dvd for QST. Try and apologize for what I do not quite remember. I do remember how it triggered the whole shit though. But I don’t remember the shit.
-Rented place- Zhilin filled me in.
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. (lets pretend the dot goes for another 20 lines)
Ok. It’s really figurative but very much what happen. Just the classical unlimited dots to filled in as words became inexpressible and expression stays emotional while the brain does the 134432 events thinking at the same time. About the past, the future, the present, the what if, could have, might have, how to, why did, wtf, and whatever shit. and the result is nothing is process. How bout this is really really and I would think the most legitimate “that awkward moment”
How bout no, text and apologize, try to be calm and hold it together, false pretend, and feigning ignorance to everybody, and for the first time, ego can be put aside, a even awkward moment occurs when, actually no, it was just too embarrassing for me and me alone.
And the thing that makes it worse, she is into DAT. How about making it worse, she is into DAT way back. How about making it worse, it was mutual. And just when you thought it was at it’s worst, my accomplice in everything, left me up there, and became a criminal offender and put myself into a situation when I might have to sacrifice a few important things of mine to put him out of jail.
How about, my brain is a completely wrecked and mashed. It is trying to process too many things. How about, my heart do feel wretched and messed. It is trying to process too many things.
How about, every story should have a happy ending. My friend got out of jailed and is currently on bailed. DAT and I managed to do our best at feigning ignorance and not talk about QST. QST seems pretty much herself the whole night and through the day though I actually did not really even dared myself to look at her. I am now comfortably snugging and typing away.
Despite the happy ending, there’s always a chance for a despondent and mournful one.
It’s obvious I know she like him, why do I still wanna find it out from her? The connection I felt, the talks and the walks, the rides and the nights was empty. And it still burn me to know keeping the distance is my only option even know I wanted to talk to her, or text to her. I have no idea what to do with this feeling. I want to buried it. I simply miss yesterday.
Skip the date, and jump over to a fresh but same old “new” Start
I like to type. I hate to be seen typing. Hypocrisy it may be. I would like to be seen quietly and unspoken about somehow. People always don’t understand me and I am part of that people too. So when convo arises from it, I kinda shied to really answer and cont the convo. I miss the days I just tumblr non stop and nobody disturbs my introvert-ish world. SO I block all the followers, friends or foe, strangers or lovers. I think anonymously one can still read it. I would like to keep it that way.
It’s 2012, made a secret wish that human will be more humane and make the world change to a better place. I believe in a unnatural being up there taking care of us. Non-religion just one that looks down on us like a creator. And if (no-way-it-would-be-possible) the world does ends, there will be a person who I ll be holding her hand and know I am glad that I’ve known her and it’s enough as it stays as that.
May peace wins the war.
You dis-colored my world. All I can ask now is to keep it this way then
Throw your soul through every door
count your blessings to find what you look for
Turn my sorrow into treasured gold
you pay me back in kind and just reap what you sow.
